Monday, July 10th, 2000
So an Archbishop, a secretary and an angry El Salvadorian walk into a bar...
Jeff: Taking Antipop into a different swing this week, our top story is related to a somewhat current event, and has nothing to do with genitalia, human or otherwise, lesbians, or pornography. I'm really expected the hate mail to come pouring it. Don't let me down, folks.
In Texas, a man held Archbishop Patrick Flores and a secretary hostage in an office. Apparently, the man needed help with an immigration problem, and everyone knows that the way to get help with an immigration problem is to attract as many police and FBI units as possible to your area. He was worried that he may be deported for driving under a suspended license, and figured holding a man with ties to God hostage couldn't make matters any worse.
Law enforcement officials stood outside and waited during the 90 degree heat, while the yokel locals ran outside to check on the action between cases on Judge Judy. One woman stood by holding a picture of the suspect and some type of beaded beating device.
Eventually the stand off came to and end, and the man was cuffed and driven to the cop shop, and now faces possible charges of aggravated assault, unlawful restraint, terroristic threat and possession of a prohibited weapon. At least he gets to stay in the country, I guess.
The Archbishop was later punished by the lord for being so easily succumbed to evil. The Holy Father was quoted as to saying "For thine weakness thou shalt carry thy hefty wooden cross on thy shoulder of burden for forty days and forty nights or thy will be smote with the might of thy Lords hand." The Lord saw that the punishment was good and went out for a night of bowling and cheeseburgers.
Dan: I'm now proud to say that with this news article, antipop has offended every religion and ethnic group possible.
Jeff: Except the Jews. Man, those Jews sure do have long di...no, that isn't going to work.
Fuck you of the current 7 day partition.
Dan: I'd just like to tell 24.151.19.85 or dhcp085-19-151-24.nm01-c3.cpe.charter-ne.com to go screw himself. You know who you are. I believe Jeff feels the same way.
Jeff: Uh, yeah, and stuff. You dink.
I must thank...:
Dan: I feel like I must thank the incredible Amberlicious girl for making the new sexy banner which you can see above. And yes, the banner was also a compensation for the lack of a new porn like image in this update. It looks pretty cool huh? Well that's about it. Send your love letters to Amber through the antipop box, maybe I can even convince her to answer some. If you're lucky, punk.
I must apologize...:
Dan: I feel like I owe an apology for Mr. Swider. Dear Mr. Swider, I'm very sorry I bumped into your snatch. I'm also sorry that during the time I bumped into the aforementioned snatch, I had a boner. I can understand why you got mad and akicked me for some time. I'm very sorry, and I must say I only did that because a certain Mush TRIPLE DOG DAREd me. And everyone knows you can't not take a TRIPLE DOG DARE, it's a question of honor. So here are my deepest apologies as I meant no harm to you or your snatch, to which I hold the utmost respect. Sincerely, Dan.
Jeff: I, on the other hand, am NOT sorry. Zero, you're still fired, even if I DO lose my Gaming Target chat privileges, and you do delete my site. You hoser.
Vato_Loco's brother is gay.
Dan: And we've got proof:
[Mush] Vato's brother is gay.
Dan: Now there's some undeniable evidence if I've ever seen one. It obviously runs in the family.
It's that time of the day
Time to open the Antipop mail, and see what our readers have to say.
Dan...I want you and Mush soooo bad...
I want Mush in the back, then you behind him giving it to him up the ass, and then me behind you giving it to you up the ass. Oh yeah, I got the Aasinator X too, you'll like that you Brazilian hunk of ass.- Meg
Dan: Hands off pants indeed.
Jeff: *cough*
If I ever get "fired" from GT, can I work for you guys? - Lupus
Dan: I'd never deny anything to a fellow commie.
Jeff: This isn't a pinko parade, folks.
According to my calculations Rei has cybersex with elephants - Mush
Dan: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jeff: Ahaha, that's funny! Imagine, an elephant, using a keyboard! Genius!
Bart is a wannabe playa hata - GaryL
Dan: Word to your mother. That hot piece of ass.
I've got a question dudes. Is it so bad to want your name, and asskicking, to be thought of together? I mean, people think "dickwad" when they think of Pauly Shore. And they think "short-assed dicksucking pussy" when they think of Tom Cruise. Yeah, I know, people already think about me when they think of sex. But damn, that's just not enough for me dammit!- The Zero
Dan: I will always know you as The Zero formerly known as Zero_TXH
Jeff: When people hear my name, they think of that idiot and his redneck jokes. I guess that's America for you.
I dont like it when Chewy forces sex upon me, because I would
rather fuck Dan, because his dick isnt covered in food, and its bigger, and Dan is a hot brazilian sexy bitch. "you are my sunshine..my only sunshine" - Daisy
Dan: You liar, you love sex with Chewy and you have it purposely. Now stop begging for sex and... uh... get on your knees.
Your site sucks without Blake! - Bla....err not Blake
Dan: Obviously. Weird though, since "Blake" and "sucking" were words so close to each other before. Oh well.
Wh...Where am I? - Squeo
Dan: You've just been beamed up to your worst nightmare. You should have read the fineprint. Your soul is now ours (and your ass is Jeff's).
Jeff: You do a bad job of trying to sound scarry. You look nice in those Darth Vader jammies, though.
I'm a queer?
Jeff didn't think so last night... - Vato_Loco
Dan: Good job keeping your "gay messages" streak. Not only are you queer but your brother is very anal retentive.
Jeff: It's almost like his brother didn't like being called a whore for no obvious reason.
Make love to me again Dan. - Blake the Rajun Homosexual
Dan: As soon as Daisy is done down there I'll see what I can do.
Why do my balls hurt? You guys will know! - ApocX
Dan: Oh golly, I can barely wait.
Disrespect me! - Slutty TwoTone
Dan: Disrespect!
Pure - Look I'm a crazy little bastard. Where my name is
supposed to go I'm writing my message ahaha. I wish you nothing but a fiery hot death.
Dan: That was witty. And as any other brazilian beast I can withstand enormous amount of heat, too bad for you.
Jeff: I don't get it.
I would just like to remind everyone that Zero did have cybersex with Rei - Mush
Dan: And with Dewy. And Chewy. And that Inaieou chick. Who didn't she cyber with?
I'm testing the form, dink. - Jeff
Dan: It appears to be working just fine, lover.
Guilty
parties.
People who "helped" with this update:
Dan the Jungle Boy, "Punch the Monkey" Master Jeff, a pup named GaryL, sum fag lol. Fancy new logo by Amber(licious)
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Recommended:
CD: System of a Down (System of a Down)
Movie: Wrongfully Acused
Game: Diablo II
Site: System of a Down
TV: The Tom Green Show
BROOOOO! Elephants are cool.
Respect The Blank Page's and Antipop's chat! (Respect!)
No shirt, no service. No pants? No problem!
Top 5 reasons to sue TheBlankPage:
5. Their extensive use of cuss words. How rude.
4. Their appealing to porn in updates.
3. Their common dissing of all those celebrities you love, like Eminem.
2. The staff's nudity.
1. Their color scheme which obviously made you blind.
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