Say hi to Bart
Bart: Hey, all of you crazy kids. This is Bart, and I'm the newest crack baby here at the Antipop staff. Since none of you know me (probably due to the fact I've been hiding in an underground bunker), I figure I'll interview my three other personalities. That way, you can find out lots of..."interesting" things about me. I'll be interviewing Horny Bart, Nervous Bart, and Feminine Bart. Let the madness insue.

Bart: Hi, everyone. Let's start this thing by...
Horny Bart: Quiet, Bart, you sexy bitch! I just want to tell all the ladies, men, and/or creatures reading this to come over to my pad, and we can all ride on my huge sexy penis, up and down, up and...
Feminine Bart: Men are so barbaric! Besides, who needs cocks? Big, clumsy things...sperm is the only thing you males are good for!
Nervous Bart: C-c'mon, guys, d-don't yell, loud noise is very s-scary, and...
Horny Bart: Come here, my shaky little piece of muscle, and let me "take a trip down Hershey Highway"!
Bart: Mother fuck, you people are out of control! This was a bad idea...
Nervous Bart: D-DON'T KILL ME!
Bart: Shut up, and let me talk? OK, as a starting question, what do you guys think of Antipop, in general?
Feminine Bart: I love Daisy, because she loves pussy!
Bart: Wait, wait, I have a lesbian personality? Hmm, that's not all half bad...
Horny Bart: Yes, my little anal playthings, its wonderful... Feminine Bart, ever think of coming over to my side of Bart's body?
Bart: Hey, she's mine!
Feminine Bart: Shut up, you nasty perverts! I don't want any men attracted to me in any way, shape or form! I'm leaving! Daisy's fisting will comfort me...
Bart: Well, she's out of the interview.
Nervous Bart: I don't l-like this! What if she's plotting revenge? S-she'll kill me!!
Horny Bart: Here, my sexy friend, my "cherry-popper" will make it all better...
Nervous Bart: SHE'LL KILL ME!!
Bart: Why the fuck are you so worried? Shut up!
Nervous Bart: SHE'LL KILL ME!! SHE'LL KILL ME!!
[Bart pimp-slaps Nervous Bart, in which he collapses in a mangled heap.]
Bart: I'm learning more about myself in this interview than I had hoped...
Horny Bart: Ah, you mean like your scandalous lust to give a donkey oral sex?
Bart: What! That's not true!
[Horny Bart just grins.]
Bart: NOOOOO!!!

Bart: Err, well, that concludes my interview. I think I revealed too much about myself there... well, thank you for enduring my poor-quality bullshit. If you didn't read it: Fuck Off, Whore!

Coco13mo: We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
Jeff: This interesting snipit came through the mail from a beloved reader named Coco13. Check it out.

2: Welcome. We have interrupted this infomercial to bring you, yes, another infomercial.
1: have you ever felt like your bones are about to break?
2: Why, yes, It's quite a common feeling.
1: Ever have any mobsters on your back, demanding money?
2: Hey, (lightly elbows 1) I'm not supposed to talk about that. (Insert laughter here.)
1: Oh yes. Well, today we are going to show you a revolutionary program that will solve all your problems.
2: And even create some! What is it you ask? Why, it has to be the Element-a-Month program! Every other month, you will recieve an element from the alkaline-earth metals. There are 6 in all! Keep the ones you want.
1: And the ones you don't want. You get Beryllium, Magnesium, Calcium, Strontium, Barium, and ever that oddball Radium. Each with their own usess that will make you ever regret signing up!
2: Let's say that you have a loan shark knocking at your front door. What do you do?
1: Well, we should show them what they should do when you have a loan shark at your front door. (Knocks on surface.)
2: Well, who is it?
1: You know well enough who it is. Hand over all your money. And Commander Bun-Bun!
2: No, not Bun-Bun! First, come in and have a drink before you take my precious belongings!
1: I can't sit down. My bones always feel like they are about to break!
2: Well, have some Calsium supplements. (Whipsers to audience) It's actually Radium, a radioactive element.
1: I can never turn down free Calsium supplements. Where did you get it?
2: From my Element-a-Month club! (Both turn and give thumbs-up to audience.)
Here.
1: (Takes pills and swollows them.) Thank you. Now where is Commander Bun...
(Falls down dead.)
3: (Pops up behind desk.) Results not typical.
2: That's not all!
3: It's not?
2: No! Most of the metals shown here are explosive! So order today!
3: Just call toll-heavily 1-800-123-45678
2: Well, what do they get when order right now?
1: A free tote bag with the periodic table on it!
3: Just 50,000 easy payments of $2! It's that easy!
2: With a deal like that, how could you resist the Element-a-Month club?
Order today!
3: It's 6 elements, for only $2 a payment! How can you resist?
1: I know I can! I'm clinically dead!
2: I'm really sorry about that. (Motions like he's not)
3: Paid for by Newman for Senate.

Jeff: Well, that was...long.
Dan: But worth reading it. Thanks and keep sending.

A touching story.
GaryL: Recently i discovered the wonderful world of turtles. This story is about my wonderful adventure with the turtle i found but first here's how i got into turtles. It all started with www.turtledance.com i mean those freakin hamsters can't bust moves like those. Then i watched Steve Irwin the Crocodile hunter play with snapping turtles. They almost bit his nuts off, i thought that was funny. So the media had made me grow a fond relationship with turtles and the turtle world. my favorite movie is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my favorite show was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my favorite game boy game is battletoads, their toads. whatever they're still freakin reptiles. Anyway Here's the adventure we've all been waiting for. After all this turtle watching i had yet to see a real turtle until this one saturday morning. I was in my bedroom with Blake at the time (that's another story) when i looked out my window and AMAZING!!! It was a real-life turtle not the stuffed kind i kept in my closet. I was in shock. My first reaction was to kick the shit out of it, so i went outside and SMACK right in the groin, im not sure if it had nuts but hey it still sounded hurt. It got pretty pissed, but hey, its a freakin turtle what's it gonna do, lick me. OoOoOoOoOo i wish. Anyway i picked it up and started scaring the neighbors with it but that got boring pretty quickly. I tried to kick it down a gutter but it wouldn't fit no matter how hard i kicked. Now im a sick pervert as most people know, and im only telling the truth (i was really bored that saturday and it made a good article as you can see) so i had to take a piss really bad and well the turtle looked thirsty so i had an idea! i went into the woods which wasn't too far away from my house and well, i took a leak. I was aiming for the turtle's mouth but he quickly ducked back into his shell. i think i got him in the eye so i felt pretty bad for the poor little bitch ass turtle. so to make up for it i put him in the toilet for a nice swim he didn't seem to like it. and let me tell you turtles dont float. After that Mr. Smacky the turtle didn't let me pick him up he kept clawing at me with his weird paw type thingies. it tickled. To end my day with the turtle i wanted to do something really special. I was gonna squish him but that sounded too cruel. So i took at my Bee Bee gun and popped him twice in the head. If you think im kidding maybe you can come over and help me find the other eye. It feels like im always being watched.
Dan: A truly touching story.

It's that time of the day
Time to open the Antipop mail, and see what our readers have to say.

LONG LIVE DISCO!!! - Daisy
Bart: ...no
Dan: I'll have to agree with Bart on this one.
Disco Stu: Disco Stu loves disco music.

this web-site sux whoever writes ya'lls articles is a stupid piece of shit!!!!!!!!!! ya'll need to get a life and stop fucking your moms - fuck you
Jeff: I love you too mom.

You should put some salve on the wound otherwise its going to get infected. Bleeding leads to Infection. Infectionleads to Amputation. Amputation leads to the kinky sex side. - Sir.Richard Karn
Bart: How well we know that here at Antipop!
Jeff: Your logic astounds me.

this is strictly for dan's eyes only! i am not sexually active at the moment but i'd like to be if you catch my drift, if you float my boat, if you peel my banana, if you blow my tuba, if you unload my tanks, if you cut my cheese, If you Harden my jungle bunny, you big bumpy lumpy slimy messy brasilian monkey doer. - Blake
Bart: Let's see, how many slangs were there for penis? You kinky bitch you!
Dan: Blake, if I didn't return your calls, you should get a clue damnit.

blake's in my closet - Gar-bear
Jeff: I would ask him to come out, but I think he's already taken care of that.
Dan: I came out of the closet the other day. I went in there to pick up a game of clue.

I've had Vato's dick in me - Charlie the flying ass
Jeff: Vato, quit sending messages under other names.

Shut up. - MeanolMido
Jeff:

Caprice Burret(or whatever) certainly is hot! Not as hot as me, though, but still an improvement over the last one. - Daniel
Dan: I'm not sure I know who she is. Send us a pic here and if she's that hot we'll put the pic up.

Nice site, one question though, if you sell your kidney dialysis machine to get alcohol, does that make you a crack addict? - Nick
Jeff: No, it makes you a weirdo for having a kidney dialysis machine.
Dan: Nick is such a pimp.

Blake's starting a new site, called Whacked Off, that specializes in male masturbation porn. Don't ask me where I found this out, because I'll tell you. He propositioned me. - Anonymous Source With A Large Penis
Bart: If you have a large penis as you claim, well, quite frankly, we've gotta listen!

I just want to say that Blake will be missed. Maybe I didn't say it enough but he is one hot piece of ass. You made a big mistake in letting him go, Dan. Now you can't watch me and my mom get it on anymore! - Daisy
Dan: Funny that both emails about Blake came just one before the other, but under two different names.

Tito tiene un elefante en su culo. - Vato_Loco
Babelfish Translator: "I luv Tito"

I you need nipply chicks on the logo, man... like.. wow.. y'know? wow... - Ralph Turdus
Jeff: Yeah, I know.

Guilty parties.
People who "helped" with this update: Dan the Jungle Boy, underwear-less Jeff, Bart, GaryL, Coco13, a dead marlin.

Elvis must die

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Recommended:
CD: Unplugged (Alice in Chains)
Movie: Summer of Sam
Game: Perfect Dark
Site: DigiPen
TV: Buy a damn TV guide

I'd just like to tell Mush that his amp sucks, and mine's much better.
I hope you all missed us. We were too busy playing Perfect Dark. What, you thought we had actually gotten lives?
By the way, in Perfect Dark, I wish Elvis would die. I hate him with all my heart.
Top 5 reasons we hate Elvis from Perfect Dark:
5) He tries to be funny.
4) His head is big, and you're often tempted to shoot it, but you can't.
3) He's got all those cool weapons while you use a damn falcon 2.
2) He's remotely cute.
1) Challenge number 20.